What am I?

The conference was good yesterday. We finished around 4:45 pm, then left for the hotel. We got a rain/snow mix on the way there, so we decided not to return for their wednesday evening service. Instead, we went to Famous Dave’s for dinner and then back to the hotel. Spent a little time in the pool, and then watched “Lost”.

All the talk that Anne has been doing lately is now making me wonder what the island is. I’m beginning to wonder if it is “heaven”. The people seem to be getting what they want if they have the faith to get it happen. When multiple people belive, things happen. Or, they’re just on a wacky island.

This morning, I’m in the lobby reading scripture and my “Near” journal. Today it was about Jonah and only calling out to God when we are in hopeless situations; like being thrown overboard and swallowed by a fish, or crashed on an island thousands of miles off course and seeing polar bears and mysterious nano-creatures, as well as dead family members, and where formally paralyzed people walk and crazy women named after French philosophers steal babies. And I realize HOW SHORT I FALL. Then I read Hosea 6, and wonder if God compares the love I have for Him to the morning mist, and think that i want to be revived, restored and allowed into His presence, I want the faith to trust that “as surely as the sun rises, he will appear, he will come to us like the winter rains, like the spring rains that water the earth.” The chapter ends ominously…”Also for you, Judah, a harvest is appointed”, referring to a coming judgement, where all will be revealed; who is the wheat, who are the weeds…who are the trees bearing fruit, and who are the trees bearing nothing.

Maybe that’s what is so amazing about Lost, it is defining the human condition in purposeful and definate ways. The characters on the show are snapping out of it, showing faith, creating their own destinies, not whining and complaining about their situation. Their faiths are being tested, and those that show it are changing, God is on the move.


“there are days i don’t believe the words i say
like a life that i’m not living
a song that i’m not singing but to you

there are times that i believe i’m satisfied
like an intimate connection
despite this bad reception with you

because i can’t afford to pay
for most of what i say
so it’s a lucky thing
that the truth’s public domain

and i am like a mockingbird
i’ve got no new song to sing
and i am like an amplifier
i just tell you what i’ve heard
oh, i’m like a mockingbird

and yes, it’s true that i need this more than you
like one whose name is many
have mercy, please don’t send me away

and i’ll do all i can
to be a better man
oh i’ll clean up this act
and be worse than we started”

-Derek Webb


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