A Punch to the Face, part 2

Yesterday, I commented on the first part of Steve Agrue’s comment posted on Marko’s blog.  Steve continued his onslaught:

“Most churches are not worthy of youth pastors. Youth pastors, stop giving yourself to organizations that use you to better “market” their church to families; that expect you to “produce” programs; and that exploit you because they know it’s hard to leave the kids you love. Walk away. Don’t take the job, because if you do, you’re wrecking it for all of us. Raise the bar. Boycott churches unworthy of youth pastors. Amen.”

I am thankful for the church I currently serve.  This is my first vocational ministry; I’ve been at Eastview for 5 + years.  While not perfect, it has been perfect for me. At the beginning, there was probably some talk about programming and marketing, but I didn’t hear much of it.  I get along well with our elders, and the preaching minister and I have a great relationship.  My door is always open, and so is his.  On the days that we are in the office at the same time, we probably interrupt one another 2 or 3 times, sometimes for ministry-related stuff, other times because we just need a momentary break from the tasks at hand.  When I go to his house, most times I knock and then walk in.  We try to get a lunch together at least once a month, and most Mondays we have a weekend debrief, sometimes more than an hour.  In a way, it’s a little tough for me to identify personally with the above.  But.

Each month, I meet with different youth ministry groups, our city has a youth ministry fellowship, I go to Des Moines to meet with Christian Church/Church of Christ youth workers, am involved with Group’s Inside Track Team for SYMC…I cannot tell you how many conversations that I’ve been apart of that indicate the abnormality of my situation.

Stories of youth ministers being called while on vacation and being told that there job was in jeopardy of they didn’t show up the next day for a meeting with the pastor.  Job descriptions being changed with no input from the youth minister.  Going for weeks on end without a meaningful conversation with church leadership.  People having salaries cut with a week’s notice.  And I ask myself, “what is going on?”  I just don’t understand.

Surely, some youth ministers are morons.  I only hear one side of the story.  But, I also take a look every so often at open ministry positions and I see some absolutely unrealistic expectations for ministers.  I see congregation size and pay structure.  Basically, I see what Steve is talking about above.  So here it is:

Youth ministers…take a step back for a minute.  Try to objectively evaluate yourselves.  Are you being dumb?  Are you worthy of trust?  Are you faithful in your ministry?  Do you have solid relationships?  How’s your relationship with God?  How are you using your time?  Are you training your adults?  If you’re being stupid, stop.  Stop now.  I’m sick and tired of hearing the lame jokes about writing a lesson 2 minutes before youth group and of hearing stories of you letting kids be dumb…the “ultimate sit-up” and all of the other stupid things you do in the name of fun are not.  Essentially, you are a lawsuit waiting to happen.  To quote Steve, “you’re wrecking it for us all.”

Church leadership…take a step back for a minute.  When is the last time you went to a youth group event?  Not to judge, but to participate?  When is the last time you asked how your youth minister (or any minister, for that matter) was doing?  How about a restaurant or grocery gift card?  Have you once asked your ministry staff how you can pray for them?  When is the last time you told your staff to go home because they’ve been neglecting their family?  Take a look at the job description of your staff.  Then, look at their pay.  Then, remember that the staff member is on-call 24/7.  How does that compare to your job expectations?  When that congregant came to you to complain about something said from the pulpit or the mark on the wall…did you defend your staff?  Stop being stupid and support the person that you hired, after all, you hired them after prayer, right?  That would imply God’s will was involved.  Did He change His mind?

I’ve recently heard that fewer and fewer people are entering the ministry.  When our kids see the absolutely ridiculous things that take place in churches, why would anyone want to be a minister?

If you’re ministering in a sucky place, for God’s sake, talk to someone.  Look inward, and seek the counsel of godly people.  If need be, leave.  And when you go to a new place, be honest and open about your expectations.  Remember that many church boards are looking for someone to solve their problems for them.  Ask questions that irritate.

If you’re a leader creating a sucky environment, repent of your sin.  Stop.  You are ruining people’s lives and regardless of the show you put on Sunday mornings, or how much you tithe, you are anything but Christian.  You’re a son of hell, and the disciples you’re creating are also sons of hell.  God’s word is maligned because of you.

A Punch to the Face

Steve Argue is the life development director at Mars Hill in Grand Rapids Michigan.  Apparently, he doesn’t believe in warning shots.  Here is part of a quote on Mark Oestreicher’s blog :

“Hey church, adolescents are NOT leaving you. You are perpetually leaving them. Stop using statistical bullshit to project blame. Repent.
Unless you’re willing to let adolescents mess with your own life, you have no business messing with their lives...”

Here are some initial thoughts:

I would argue and agree that adolescents are leaving the church because we are leaving them.  Let’s take a look at the typical Sunday school situation as an example: we split people into age groups so that we can teach “at their level.”  Within those groups, bonds and relationship do form, even if on a shallow level.  Then, a high school student graduates and they’re expected to just transition to an adult class because it’s what we’ve always expected.  We think that an 18-year old kid will walk into a room with a group of adults (that are already in relationship with one another), and that are likely in the midst of a study (that they’ve been working through for weeks, or even months) and just fit in?

Here’s another great example: a few weeks ago, I was given the honor to speak to our church about the biblical mandate of intergenerational ministry.  Basically, the church leadership is to teach the older men and women the faith, the older men/women teach the younger, the younger teach their kids, and the kids live it out.  Wash/rinse/repeat.  All of these things happen within the context of relationship.  But a funny thing happened on the way to the pulpit that morning.  Our kids, those in grades 5 and below, were dismissed before my message.  And then, at our luncheon following the service, our “senior saints” were given a table to themselves, and people got in the food line according to their age!

Here’s the point to all of this, and it will sound very cliche.  It’s time we re-thought youth ministry.  Mark DeVries, Jim Burns and a great many other people have been talking about it for years.  A few suggestions for practicalities:

To start off…Sunday school classes offered as electives that people from ages high school and up could choose from.  Kids and adults mixed together.  This would require adult leaders speaking inter-generationally.  It would require kids learning from adults and adults learning from kids.

No more children’s church.  This would require pastors skilled at reaching all generations and maturity levels.  It will require that spend a lot more time explaining things.  Why do we pray?  Why do we sing?  Why do we take Communion?

Intentionally invite students into adult LIFE Groups.  A possible objection to this would be, “They are invited!”  Ok, fine…what are you talking about?  Is it something of interest?  To them?

None of this means that we tailor everything that we do towards kids.  We should no more do that than have a target audience of Laotian refugees, aged 25-27 with 2 kids that drive an Audi.  What this means is that we are intentional in our relationship-building.

Imagine what it might look like for a LIFE Group or Sunday school class comprised of all ages.  When those kids graduate and if they stay local, they’re already plugged into the church, but beyond that, they’re already plugged into a group that they know and that knows them.  Man, that sounds downright biblical.